Laughing Fit
by x4050x
Summary: Joker meets the X-Men. Joker/Ororo. Random idea, I know. Since it's Joker and all, it has blood, gore, killing, the usual violence, and rape


_**Disclaimer: I own a laptop. That's pretty much it.**_

**A/N: Hey guys! While I should probably be finishing the X-Men story that I have, I am having extreme writers block. So, uh, feel free to PM me with any sort of idea concerning that story... HINT HINT.**

**But, yeah, anyway, I was reading a whole buncha Joker stories, and a whole buncha X-Men stories, and they kind of all fused together to create an F'd up Romance-type deal with Joker and Storm. I have no idea. Since it's Joker, it will probably be graphic and have at least one rape scene... yeah.**

**Anyway... Hope you enjoy.**

"You need a vacation."

"No."

"Yes."

"Listen, I ain't goin' on a fu-"

"Language."

"I ain't goin' on a vacation."

"Yes, you are."

"I ain't goin'!"

"If you don't go, I'm taking away your beer."

"Shi-"

"_Language._"

"Fine."

"You're leaving with the rest of the crew tomorrow at noon."

"Hmpf."

Logan left the room, leaving a triumphant Charles Xavier in his wake. The leather-jacketed man stormed into his room to 'pack' (Or throw wifebeaters, jeans, a spare leather jacket and however many bottles of Jack Daniels into a duffel bag). Charles wheeled around the mansion, telling other members of the X-Men about the upcoming vacation.

**Meanwhile, in a dark basement of an apartment building in Gotham:**

"You're crazy."

"No no no," the man ran his tongue over the scars on the right side of his mouth, making a rasping noise. "I'm _not._ I'm just ahead of the curve. I'm here to show all the _normal, boring, conformist_ people that their fragile little lives all depend upon the _illusion_ of normality."

The thug stared at him blankly.

Joker sighed and rolled his eyes. "I'm an anarchist."

The thug nodded enthusiastically.

"Now," the Joker squinted at him. "What's your name?"

"Mike."

"Well, _Mike_," Joker enunciated clearly, "You will be Bozo." He tossed Bozo a ridiculous clown mask with an overexaggerated frown.

Bozo placed the mask on his face.

"Now, young _Bozo_, we shall go recruit more to my li_tt_le," he ran his tongue over his scars again and tossed the thug a crowbar. "_Army."_

The smile on both of their faces was pure evil.

**Meanwhile:**

"Come on, Logan. It's not that bad," said ever-positive Scott as they boarded the cruiseship. "It's only a little _water._"

Logan visibly blanched. "Ah, yeah, _Scooter,_ ya fergit that I'm, like, seventy percent metal. And, I hate ta burst yer bubble, but metal doesn't float."

Scott gave him an ever-suffering look and said, "Just don't fall off the boat."

Logan flipped him the bird and walked up the boarding ramp, ignoring the adoring looks of just about every female passenger.

The rest of the X-Men boarded behind him.

Logan approached the bar and sat down. Ororo walked up to the top deck to watch the clouds. Jean and Scott stood by the railing and held hands. Beast began trying to collect samples of sea life over the side of the boat.

**In Gotham:**

"Want to know how I got these scars?"

"N-No! Please! Don't hurt me!"

The Joker told his story, enjoying every minute of the helpless man's screams. He slit the man's mouth and throat and dropped his body, relishing the other thug's wide-eyed looks.

"And that is how to do i_t._" the Joker rasped, licking his scars. "No mercy. No remorse. No hesitation." He grinned madly and grabbed the nearest thug, ripping off his  
clown mask and wiping his blood covered gloves over the man's face. He tossed the thug away and returned his mask.

"Now, uh, that we have the men, _Bozo_, we have another problem," stated Joker, pulling an automatic pistol out from under his jacket and playing with the safety. "We appear to be operating on a deficit."

Noticing the blank looks on his men, Joker sighed and said, "That is, we're _poor._" He turned and ran out of the room, signalling his men to follow.

They got into a large white van without a license plate, while Joker explained the plan.

"Bozo, Rocco, and Chuckles, you take the tellers. Sparkles, you wait in the van. Giggles and Pom-Pom, you take the customers. Boots, Kitten, and Toots, you bring the duffels and stuff 'em. Peppy and I will create general _chaos._" said Joker, pointing at each clown as he said their ridiculous nicknames.

"Now," Joker said as he climbed into the driver's seat of the van. "If you have any questions, please remember that I don't care."

His laughter echoed behind the van as he sped towards the bank.

Tom had just needed to get a small withdrawal. He needed to pay his mother's hospital bill, since she had no money, and for some reason the hospital hadn't accepted his credit card. Since he was close to the bank, and he didn't trust those ATM things, he had decided to just make his transaction in person.

He walked towards the counter, smiling at the middle-aged teller, and opened his mouth to speak-

_ Chk-chk-chk-chk-chk-chk-chk-chk-chk-chk-chk-chk_

The unique sound of a machine pistol burst over the crowd. Plaster rained from the ceiling as Tom threw himself onto the ground, smashing his shoulder into the teller's desk.

"Go, go, go, _go!_" came a clowny voice.

Men in clown masks were everywhere, shooting civilians, forcing others onto the ground, pulling tellers over their desks, running deeper into the bank with duffel bags, and shooting random things.

Tom was petrified with fear, and he didn't move as a clown approached him. He didn't move as the clown pointed a Glock into his face. He didn't move as the hollow-point clicked up into the barrel and the hammer snapped back. He only gave a small jump as the bullet entered his head just under his right eye and expanded, blowing a hole straight through his head.

Peppy stepped over the man that he had just wasted and laughed. After he had broken out of prison, he had become a low-level mob leader, until Mike had told him about this new guy, Joker. Now he was going to be one of the richest men in Gotham, without working a day in his life. A smile graced his face as he pulled a grenade from under his fake leather jacket and pulled the pin, throwing it behind a teller's desk and enjoying the screams as the shrapnel sprayed everywhere.

Peppy saw Toots and Kitten run out of the safe, carrying two duffels each, trailing bills behind them as the sprinted out the doors and tossed the bags into the back of the van, where Sparkles caught and stacked them neatly. Toots ran back to the safe and caught two duffels thrown to him by Boots, and then handed the bags to Kitten, who ran the duffels back to the van. Soon the entire safe was empty and the runners yelled, "_CLEAR!"_, which was the signal to get the _hell_ back to the van.

Peppy dropped two more civilians, then turned and sprinted back to the van, side by side with Rocco and Bozo. Kitten and Boots, exhausted from running, trailed behind them slightly. Joker, Giggles, and Pom-Pom were already clear and waiting for the clowns.

Boots, the last one to the van, barely got inside before Sparkles gunned the engine and the van jumped forward, going at least eighty on a thirty-five road. Bozo pulled the van's door closed and the thugs celebrated, chest bumping and high fiving. Joker just grinned.

After about three minutes, the voices in the van died down slightly and the sound of sirens could be heard over the noise of the engine.

Sparkles suddenly swerved into a warehouse, and all the men jumped out. The goons worked madly, quickly getting the duffels out of the van and throwing them onto some portable plastic tables in the middle of the room.

Joker stepped forward and said, "Nice, very _nice._ Now, we seem to have a _load_ of cash. Bozo, order us some pizza. Actually, screw that. Let's pick it up ourselves." Joker grinned madly.

"Back to the van!"

After robbing the Pizza Hut blind, the goons relaxed over the pizza and soda, as Joker told them the plan.

"Now, _uh_, I don't know about you, but I like to shoot things." the thugs nodded enthusiastically. "And, to _shoot_ stuff, we, uh, we need bullets. And guns." he ran his tongue over his scars. "So, _uh_, let's go get some bullets, whaddaya say?"

Just then, the old TV behind them blared a loud announcement. "X-MEN TO ATTEND CRUISE?"

As one, the men turned to the televison.

The perky newscaster appeared on the screen and announced, "Today we received news that the X-Men are taking a well-deserved break! They will be attending a week-long cruise in the Carribbean and ... "

Joker stopped paying attention and started playing with a wicked-looking switchblade, thinking hard.

"Boooooosssssss... Can we go on a cruuuuuuiiiiissseee?" whined Boots, who had a strange way of talking, dragging out important words.

"Yes, yes we can." Joker smiled and licked his scars. "What do you say about the, _uh_, the Carribbean?"

**Back on the cruiseship:**

Logan growled under his breath and stood up. He was restless, a good indication that something bad was going to happen. He looked over the railing, observing the water, still and smooth and glassy.

He rolled his eyes at his paranoia and was just about to sit down at the bar again when he saw that some fucker had stolen his seat. He walked up to him and said, "Scram, bub." When the man saw who had addressed him, he leapt to his feet and ran, not wanting to get stabbed.

Logan sat back down and sighed. Life was good.

Morning found Scott laying in his bed, half-dressed, with a huge hangover. He threw on a shirt and walked outside, suddenly attacked by a mob of screaming fangirls. They took pictures and gave phone numbers ... Life was good.

Ororo opened her door and found loads of potted plants sitting outside of it, courtesy of the beautiful woman's fans. She took them back inside and studied them closely. Life was good.

Beast was jogging around the deck when he suddenly felt his fishing line give a pull. He tugged it up over the side and saw that he had managed to catch an endangered species of fish. He took a sample of its genes so he could clone it and threw the fish back into the water. Life was good.

Jean walked outside and was immediately confronted with the happy thoughts of the rest of her team. She smiled and basked in their happiness. Life was good.

Joker leaned out of his helicopter, brandishing his automatic pistol. He could faintly see the cruise ship in the fog and Peppy started to swerve towards it. Joker grinned madly. Life was about to get a hell of a lot worse.

**A/N: Yeah...**


End file.
